Gina Hendrix - My Thoughts On Love And Dating

Friday, 21 July 2017 19:10

Single and Suffering from “PTDD”?

 

 

I get it….you had the WORST experience….that person broke your heart into a million pieces….they really screwed you over big time!

 

You now believe love ISN’T meant to happen for you! You won’t EVER meet anyone again who compares to that person - they were TheOne! You’re too scared and wary to get back out there. Or you “don’t do/believe in relationships!” All relationships are “doomed”!

 

Ok--take a breath, what is REALLY happening is, you’re in VICTIM mode and suffering from “Post Traumatic Dating Disorder” or “PTDD”.  Snap out of it!  As I was told before “no one has ever died of a broken heart”.  

 

Whatever happened is over, it is now in the past. Yes it was s***! And you’re allowed to grieve. But move forward and stop wallowing in that bad experience. Proving how it damaged only prevents you from moving forward and finding happiness once again.

 

Holding on to the past is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. Let it go! I don’t care how much they hurt you, and how they were so “right” for you! Allowing the PAST to live on and dominate your future beliefs about love makes you a victim. It’s an excuse and will be a self-fulfilling prophecy, if you let it.

 

You aren’t any less worthy

All relationships aren’t f*****

Not everyone’s a cheater!

Love IS extremely possible and meant for you

There are plenty of GREAT people out there that are easily available to you.

 

You HAVE  to change the stories you tell yourself! This is the KEY.

 

Halle Berry, one of the most beautiful women in the world was cheated on! She is proof that bad love experiences has NOTHING to do with you, or how you just aren’t beautiful or good enough!

 

You’re allowed to make mistakes especially in love! It has no bearing on you and your worthiness. Successful people fail all the time. They just get back up, approach it differently and try again. They don’t give up or change their beliefs or think they’re somehow doomed!

 

Don’t idealize and give someone else so much power that they impact and have a hold on your future happiness way after they have left.

 

Stop clinging onto your baggage. You have all the power depending on how you choose to show up. Create a new (baggage free) story, replace it with new beliefs about how excited you are for your future and allow it to be your new truth and it will, in turn become your new reality.

Monday, 19 June 2017 10:27

Dating Mind Games

Do you find yourself dancing back and forth and doing a “they love me….they love me not” kinda thing, obsessing over that latest Instagram like, or that out-of-the-blue “Hi?” and are you constantly questioning “what is this even about?!”

  

And just when you think they’ve gone for good - you’ve reached a decision in your mind, that this thing, if you can even call it a thing, is definitely not a thing, after all! …They pop up again!

 

Before you know it you’re back to wondering whether you mean something to someone and how much. Or if you’ve done something wrong when you get silence, or whether you’re being too “needy”?! Maybe this is what’s normal these days? Maybe you’re meant to play it “cool”?

 

Until one day, you finally get it. It (what was IT anyway) is well and truly over! You’ve ignored the ones who liked you, in favor of being strung along and veryyyyyy slowly faded out… Fading is the new ghosting by the way! Another term for the age old story of game playing and getting mind F’d!

 

Here’s the low-down on what’s really going on so you can keep up with the dating trends and you can stop obsessively thinking that it’s you:

Benching: When someone you’re dating slowly phases you out until one day you suddenly find yourself single! You’ll be kept in limbo and given false hope because you’re not completely off the team. They’re still into you and have put you on hold “just incase”. It’s like slow death dumping!

Bread-crumbing: when you’re being led on, just enough to keep you thinking they’re interested, but not enough to make you know they are committed! “Bread-crumbs” can be random low-key flirty, texts, Facebook/Instagram likes, Snapchats etc. They keep the whole interaction going but don’t offer any follow-through, sometimes not even dates!

Cushioning: You’re just an option. They think you’re great, no complaints, but they also have other options that could be better. All it costs to keep you as “back-up” is random texts and likes here and there. Incase it doesn’t workout with option A they have a “cushion” to fall-back on with you! **This is where I’ll point out that that is also what YOU are probably doing to someone else--whether you realize it or not.

 

“Every movie we see, every story we’re told implores us to wait for it, the third act twist, the unexpected declaration of love, the exception to the rule…but sometimes we’re so focused on finding our happy ending, we don’t learn how to read the signs. How to tell from the ones who want us and the ones who don’t, the ones who will stay and the ones who will leave” - He’s Just Not That Into You (Movie)

 

If someone is going to pop up on your phone intermittently, will they really wake-up one day, realize your true value and confess their undying love for you?!

 

When you’re in this “waiting for love to happen to me” mindset, you’re giving other people control of your love-life and how you’re treated, and doubting yourself. You’re chasing after something that is full of empty meaning, mistaking it for something that has the potential to turn into something real.

  

All your energy goes into putting so much importance into the wondering, guessing, and the hard leg-work of keeping all those half-assed interactions going.

 

The other person either isn’t emotionally available, actually available or into you enough. They can be the nicest person but it doesn't change the fact they aren’t available to give you what you want. Someone who is, will show up and will be consistent.

 

You’re capable of having what you want in your love-life! Commitment, emotional availability, and someone who values and appreciates you. You don’t have to doubt yourself if a situation has you holding on for dear life to that kissing emoji or that instagram like! You don’t have to take part in the games if you TRULY want something real and committed, but you have to take responsibility for the part you play.

 

Don’t let any treatment sway your self-worth, and have you torturing yourself in wondering what you did wrong! 

 

No matter the latest trends, some things remain classic! Classics are always simple and straight-forward and dependable. If someone likes you it won’t be this guessing game, and they will give you quality (time, attention and communication).

 

Keep your love-life standards luxury, if you find yourself being strung along, being kept as an option or “benched”, I’d say ghost him, BLOCK HIM, cut yourself loose and walk away!

 

Make space for someone who doesn’t makes your life better and who doesn’t make you crazy.

Why Looking For Perfect Will Never Work!

 

As a matchmaker I hear lots of the same “I’m looking for XYZ” lists over and over and I’m here to tell you, your list usually is so narrow and means absolutely nothing in terms of who would be right for you because you’ve missed ONE key point!

You could have the “perfect” long list of this great person with things like:

“Hot body, narrow age bracket, trustworthy, successful, caring, makes X amount of money, gets on with your friends and family, treats you to things you love etc...”

But it doesn’t change a thing about you being able to ATTRACT them and spot a great match:

 

10. Looks fade. It's SUPERFICIAL and usually has no meaning to what’s (truly) important for a long lasting relationship.

In 10 or 20 years time all the superficial stuff that got you there in the first place will have faded anyway, and all you’ll be left with what was underneath!

 

9. You’re completely stuck on this image of the perfect person, you’re not being OPEN enough!

You’re so hard-wired on a type (even physically) you’re not willing to consider they could be any different from what you’re imagining - you are seriously limiting yourself here!

 

8. It’s making you super judgemental and stuck-up whenever you meet someone!

All you see is “lack” of the perfect person and how they don’t exist, when I’m pretty sure you’re not perfect yourself! You’d miss a great match even if they did come along!

 

7. You’re holding onto a fantasy and fantasies very rarely ever come true!

Yes, even my friends mom won the lottery..BUT she’s the ONLY person I have ever known to. And think of how many people dream of it. So yes, dreams do come true…..but it’s VERY rare. And everyone knows when it comes to humans, perfect doesn’t exist. You may have a perfect home, perfect car, perfect boobs, or perfect wardrobe but being hung up on perfection in someone else will leave you cold at night. So--I hope you have the perfect blanket too!

 

6 . You don’t know what’s “perfect” for you

Your list of perfect isn’t in alignment to who YOU are, from knowing what you value in yourself, in life and what you’ve learnt to be true to you.

 

5.You place your self-worth in your idea of Perfect

Your expectations of perfect come from insecurity. You’re looking for perfect to prove your worth to yourself or to others which just makes you come across needy and unattractive.

 

4. You think all this criteria increases your chances of meeting a “greater” person

You’re not doing the work on yourself because you don’t realize who you attract, mirrors the relationship you have with yourself, and how everyone is on their own journey. You can’t expect a “finished” perfect person!

 

3.You’re blind to how someone absolutely ISN’T a great match!

You’re letting anyone in if they have the “look” and shows you attention. You’re so hung up on all the ways a person IS ‘perfect’ on the surface, you tolerate things you just otherwise wouldn’t!

 

2. It’s just….boring!

Fate and being swept of your feet doesn’t come from perfection and expectations, but from someone who surprises you! …Anyway can you imagine anything more boring than having sex with someone so ‘perfect’?!

 

1. Most importantly….You miss the number one ESSENTIAL factor - Who cares if their look isn’t “perfect” it’s HOW they APPRECIATE YOU for the real you!

For the long-term you need a partner that loves you, appreciates you and is crazy about you and devoted to the relationship. Too many times you are so enamoured with the other person and how they appeal to you--that you forget to step back and see just how they TREAT you, how do they REALLY make you feel?

You could have the so-called perfect everything but true happiness comes from creating a life that FEELS amazing on the inside, not a life that looks perfect on the outside. Be genuine in your expectations and think of the long-term. Look for those who you can admire and respect--believe me that will last MUCH longer than how they look.