Items filtered by date: September 2014

As a single person, I know that most of you would love to be in a healthy, happy, committed relationship.  The good news is, this is possible! The bad news is, first you must dodge those people who are not in it for the same reasons as you. And the only way to avoid the trap of what I call the “Love Fraud” is to avoid falling into their trap. Here are the signs of a potential “Love Fraud” and their attempts to lure you in, with their “faux-mantic” tactics.

  1. Any guy or girl who says they want to marry you or have babies with you—when they don’t even know you—TURN AND RUN. Don’t be lured into thinking: “Wow, I must really be special to this person”. TRUTH: You are not special and this person has said the same thing probably to every single other person they have dated.  And some men know that those words are like magic fairy dust to a woman. BEWARE! 
  2. If this person has said these things to you, a great way to test them is to ask them questions to see just how much they have really paid attention to what you have told them about yourself. If they can’t recall anything or very very little, it’s because they weren’t paying attention because they don’t really care about you. It is all about them. Even wooing you, is all about them and their ego. It has nothing to do with their feelings for you.
  3. Don’t be fooled by someone who gives gifts and says all the right things, this is THE NUMBER ONE tactic they will use to get you on their hook. They use whatever tools they have avaible that they know will work best on you. And sometimes they use their money, sometimes it’s with their words, but rarely will they be that person to stay the course, do what they promised and keep doing what they first did, as time goes by. I would say it could take about 3 months before you know if this person is really "for real" and in it in a sincere way.
  4. What does their Facebook profile say about them? If you have your eyes wide open you can learn a lot about someone by their profile. Do they appear to be open and honest about themselves or does it appear that they have a party lifestyle or that parts of their life are hidden? If it is, they might say it’s because they want to be private—BUT I can tell you from experience—it's really because they are hiding something from someone.
  5. Don’t be afraid to ask the questions. I can’t tell you how many men I have met who either appear to be single, act single or try to give the impression that they are single—and the ONLY WAY to know for sure, is to ask them straight out: Are you single? I find they will usually come clean if you ask a straight out question. And even if they say “Yes, I’m married but we don’t live together”, still TURN AND RUN. No excuses. Trust me on this. Married is MARRIED. Ask more questions. Do you want to get married? Do you want kids?  Where do you see yourself in 5 years? (that's a crucial question) Now, I’m not saying you need to act like a detective and shoot all of these questions out right away. But you should ask these questions before you sleep with this person—to save yourself heart break later.
  6. If you meet someone who is really into you—they will be willing to answer your questions and they will want to spend time with you.  If they text you more than they see you in person—this is a bad sign. Ignore their words, go on their actions.  
  7. Don’t fall into the trap where they make you feel like it’s you. That is a classic manipulative tactic by someone who is VERY good at being a “Love Fraud”. They will “love you” and “leave you” as fast as they said all of the right things and got you into bed.
  8. Don’t think you are the only one they are wooing, you aren’t. 

Why do they do it? This is a very common question. They do it for one reason, themselves. And it’s not about you personally, even though they do want something from you---they don’t want to give you their heart or a real relationship, they want you to give them any number of things: a career, money, or ego stroke. It’s usually one of those 3 things.  And the ego stoke is more common than you might think. So many people have deep insecurities that they need constant validation from other men and women because inside they do not really feel worthy or good about themselves. This person is a selfish, narcissist who will never give anyone their heart. So don’t take it personally it, it’s really not you—it’s them. Just start choosing people who can love you back, who can really be present for you, who appreciate you and who really want to get to know and love YOU for the right reasons.