Thursday, 12 May 2011 22:26

Serendipity

Serendipity is when one finds something that one was not expecting to find.

Free Communication Weekend, This Weekend!

I was talking to someone recently when (surprisingly) the subject of online dating and matchmaking came up. The person said they'd been resistant to online dating because they believed in serendipity. Well, I believe serendipity comes in many forms. Just because one puts forth the effort to meet someone, through an online dating site or a dating service or a matchmaker, if you ultimately find your soul mate in the process, then it's still serendipity in my book.

And let's face it, as we get older it gets more and more difficult to find that needle in a haystack. The needles get smaller, the haystack gets bigger! The people who I have known or worked with who have made up their minds and who have made it their mission to find love, have found it. There is something almost magical that I have personally witnessed when someone becomes willing to do anything and everything to find love. They find it. And usually it's within 6 months or a year. I have seen it time and time again.

But, the key is that you have to be ready, willing and open to all of the possibilities. It might mean, improving your appearance in order to attract the type of person you want. It might mean going through therapy and working on your issues. It definitely means going to social events, doing online dating or even hiring a matchmaker. For example, have you tried Chemistry.com? It's a more serious version of Match. And it certainly is another great resource to use if you haven't tried it yet.
The point is, to use any and all resources available. The more you do, the better your chances are. There is also a very valid psychological part to all of this too. Once you make up your mind and commit to a process of finding love (whatever that process might be) you begin to see everything and everyone in a new way. You begin to date with a purpose, but also with more optimism and determination. And when you give anything 100% and you refuse to give up, you will always get what you want.

Tuesday, 21 April 2009 22:18

Why Are You Single?

This is a question that I have been asking people for a while now. Let's face it, we all have our reasons. Or are they excuses? According to my married friend Karen, the ONLY reason anyone is single, is because they want to be. Hmmmm. Well, I guess if we took Karen's theory completely literally, we could all be married if we were willing to grab any old jackass that looked at us and smiled. But, I think that the majority of us aren't THAT desperate to get married that we are willing to marry the first parolee who crosses our path and asks us to marry them. But, then there is the other side of the coin. And on the other side of the coin is what I consider to be the number one reason why most of us are single, UNREALISTIC EXPECTATIONS. It is a very very big problem. I notice this especially at my various singles events. When you put a group of single people in a room together and ask them to list who they are interested in, you can bet that EVERY guy will pick all of the prettiest women and all of the women will pick ALL of the cutest guys. Now, when it comes to attractive people...there's no problem there. Attractive people will always be attracted to each other, of course. But, the problem with unrealistic expectations lies with those people that aren't a 10 or a 9 or an 8 or 7 even a 6. I'm talking about people who are on the 1 to 5 scale. 5 being just average, not unattractive but not attractive either. The people in the 1 to 5 range NEVER seem to want each other....EVER. And I'm not sure if it is because they are completely unaware of their "number" or they know their "number" but, feel that in spite of their short comings they are entitled to someone way out of their league. Or maybe they want a trophy to prove to the world that they are much more than an ugly duckling. I'm not sure; I just know that people are way too concerned with someone's temporary shiny outer shell rather, than look past the superficial. I really wish more single people who want to find love would choose their dates and future mates on what really matters most and what is not going to change with time, and that is a person's intelligence and moral character, within their "number range" whether it's 1 to 5 or 6 to 10. So, tell me, what is your number? Do you think you have unrealistic expectations? Why are you single?

Saturday, 21 March 2009 22:15

"Women Have a Shelf Life"

It boggles my mind at how many people walk around with a false sense of reality. Unbelieveable...and sad. I had a man yesterday, tell me about how women have a "shelf life" and this was from a man who said he was 49..and had clearly had a facelift and WAY too much botox! Good God! Or how about the woman who entered her info to be part of my database, said her age was 48...then showed up to my recent event....and was not a day under 60! Men in their 50's and 60's think it is reasonable to only want to date women 30 to 40. Well...I'm here to tell you then.....you better be RICH. Because there ain't no woman 30 to 40 looking for a man 50 to 60...unless he is going to upgrade her lifestyle, substantially. And women....the only reason most younger guys will date an older woman, is either they think she'll be an easy lay or she'll be their sugar momma. Here's another thing....you don't look younger when you get all of that crap done to your face. In fact, it makes you look older...you look like an older person who's trying very hard to look young, except you really just look freakish.Do yourself a favor, keep it real..be happy the way you are and get a grip on reality. What is most important is what is on the inside...and no amount of plastic surgery or lies will help you find love and happiness..if you're not happy with yourself anyway.

Friday, 27 February 2009 21:13

Love Life Tips

If you aren't following me on Twitter, then you miss my daily love life tips. Here is a compilation of my recent tips:

Your Love Life Tip of the Day

Nothing you do will change anyone but you

Men want to chase and hunt it's their nature

Like the one who likes you

Cheaters never change, they just get better at it

Like who you love and love who you like

Character lasts longer than looks

Be careful who you fall in love with

Sleep naked

Love the way you want to be loved

Expect nothing in return

Appreciate the little things

Do one new thing each day that you wouldn't normally do

If you're not happy find out why

If you're lonely reach out to those who need your help

Love and respect yourself first

A healthy relationship is lifts you up

An unhealthy relationship holds you back

Don't waste your love on a loser

Pay attention to the actions, not the words

Don't forget your friends, they with stick with you through it all

My top ten reasons why you should be glad you're single.

10. You can date, talk to and kiss anyone you want.

9. You can look any way you want to, any time you want to.

8. You look younger. Research has found single people look younger and are usually in better shape.

7. You can have sex with a different partner every night of the week, if you want to.

6. You don't have to deal with any relationship drama.

5. Being single means you are constantly meeting new people and going new places.

4. Your possibilities are endless.

3. You can take over the entire bed.

2. Your hand or your vibrator never disappoints.

1. The possibility that you could marry George Clooney or Cameron Diaz is still a possibility.

Wednesday, 21 January 2009 21:10

Check His/Her References

This week I have been talking about how we are so eager to open our arms...and our hearts to someone merely based on what we see in front of us. As if, that persons history has no bearing what so ever on the here and now. And let me tell you..it does and it should! We have historians for a reason....so, that facts and information..good and bad..will NEVER be forgotten. Why is someones credit history so important? Because tells a story of a persons character and accountability. Yet, why is it...when a man or a woman shows up..in the right clothes...with the hot body or beautiful car..or just telling us what we want to hear in that moment...that, that is all it takes. We choose to ignore or even look into the persons history or moral character. Has he/she ever cheated? "Well, he/she won't with me!" Has that person ever neglected their child? "Well, they wouldn't do that to our child!" Has that person ever committed a crime, had drug convictions, gotten fired from jobs or even been irresponsible with their pets?

If you were worked for a car dealership and you reviewed the persons credit report, would you be able to give him the car? If you were interviewing this person to work for you, would you hire them based on their work history and personal references? Stop and think for a minute.....if you wouldn't even consider hiring this person....based on their proven track record...then why on earth would you allow yourself the possibility of falling in love with them? The answer is simple. You place more value in protecting the interest of a company, than in, protecting your own heart and future. Isn't your heart...your life...a little more valuable than a car? Of course it is! So, in the future..before the "I love yous" get the facts, ask the questions, listen to the answers and let their story..their personal history...be the deciding factor...not the wine and roses. Because once the romance is gone..all that you and your heart will be left with..is the persons moral character.

Thursday, 15 January 2009 21:08

Prince Charming

When I ask women to tell me what type of man they are looking for, they describe what all good fantasies are made of..tall, handsome, smart, funny, fit, wealthy. And basically, what they should just say is..."I'm looking for prince charming". Because let's face it..since we were kids..every happy ending was the average girl, damsel in distress, slave or princess..always being rescued and riding off into the sunset with prince charming. So, it has become in grained in our subconscious, when asked of our ideal man..to say, prince charming. But, I think the key is not that he is a prince or good looking, tall, smart, or George Clooney...the key to getting any lady, is the "charming" part. And if you're charming enough, she will see you as her prince..no matter what you look like or how much money you have.

So, I started wondering what is charm?

And here is what I've come up with so far...feel free to add your own ideas of "charm".

Confidence...combined with smart...quick-witted....polite banter.

I think is one form.

I think taking charge....combined with a big smile.....and an attitude of "Hey..Life's great"...is another way to be charming.

Not being needy or foolish or rude or too cocky or too nice.

A man who won't be taken advantage of...but, who also won't trick or take advantage of a woman. He makes a woman feel safe, protected. He can be funny, smart and counted on. But, can walk away without being mad or hurt...because...he's his own man.and doesn't need a woman to tell him that. Or validate his worth. He knows his worth; he's happy and secure..but, not cocky...or too cocky.

Tuesday, 08 January 2008 21:06

Improve your life and start now

If you are like most people, there will come a time in your life where you are stuck, in your love life or just in your life. Are you alone? Are you in a bad or just boring relationship? Well, it's a new year and there is no better time to look back at what got you to this place in life and look ahead to where you would like it to go in the future. Now, take a good look at the present and the changes you need to make. I recommend, instead of the usual "baby steps" or "sticking your toe in the water".....if a change is what you what, then you must plunge into action. Now!

One of my big changes last year was starting my own internet radio show, called "Love Life Makeovers" where each week I have a featured guest who has insight or advice on anything and all things love related. And if you had told me this time last year, that I would have this show..(that has become hugely popular)...I would have said "no way." So, I speak from experience when I give you the following advice on changing your life for the better. I hope it helps.

Here are a few suggestions to get you started, although, everyone's "sticking point" is different..the idea is to take an honest look at your life and what is holding you back and to tackle it in a big way. But, I have listed big and small changes...for those who aren't quite ready yet.

Step 1: If you are tired of looking at you're same old place...change it. If you can't move (which would be the best way for a huge change, because it changes who you meet at the grocery store, gas station and changes your whole life) then just redecorate your place. Sell your furniture on craigslist..or trade it in..or just move it around and recover. Paint. Painting a room is an instant affordable, change. Put new or vintage knobs on your doors and cabinets. Get new pictures for your walls. You can even just start small, with your bathroom. Any change is change. FYI...changing your bedroom, even what you wear to bed...is a great place to start with changing your current love situation. Freshen it up, spice it up.

Step 2: Start going to new places...even just to run errands or walk your dogs.

Step 3: Smile and say "Hi" to anyone and everyone. I can't tell you how much positive attention I get from people when I walk around with a smile on my face. And not a huge "I'm crazy" smile..but, a pleasant, friendly smile. And make sure you are aware of your facial expression at all times. Even just smiling when you're by yourself..will put you in a better mood. This might sound strange...but, it works.

Step 4: If you don't like your career....do something about it. Look around for other work opportunities or even sign up to do community work. This might open new job opportunities and will most certainly allow you to meet new people.

Step 5: Change your love life. Change your life. If you are single and lonely or in a unhappy relationship ...nothing will change until you make it happen. The other person will never change....you are the only one that can make your life better. So, maybe you need to start going to therapy or you need to join a women's or men's support group (whether you're single or in a relationship). If you're single, join online dating sites and choose differently. Do not choose dates based on looks. Make choices based on inner qualities that you seek in someone. If you don't want to do online dating, then join a "meetup" (meetup.com is a free web site, where you can find a group for anything you like to do).

All of the steps mentioned above will change your love life in one way or another. Because when you start the ball rolling for any type of change, you will be amazed at how it just keeps rolling and rolling. The key is to keep it rolling, by making changes. Make an agreement with yourself to do something everyday or just once a week, that you normally never do. If you do this now, then next year at this time you will look back on your life and you will be so amazed and proud of all of the changes you have made.

The best thing that I did for myself last year..that started the ball rolling for me, was, I made a sign that said "What Did You Do To Change Your Life Today?" and I put it where I would see it at the end of everyday. I can't tell you how many many many changes that happened in my life last year, all for the better...and this year, there is still more change to come. It's fun, it's exciting and necessary. The best quote I heard recently was: "The only difference between a rut and a grave, is the depth". So what are you waiting for? Give yourself a love life makeover now!

And if you have any questions, I'm always here to help.

Sunday, 12 October 2008 21:33

The Power of a Woman

Many books have been written over the years about the powers women have had over men through out history. But, is it still true today? Are women today even aware of their potential power and mystique? As the old saying goes " You can catch more flies with honey, than you can with vinegar". I think women these days are so concerned with "getting a boyfriend" or "getting a husband", that they are willing to do anything, put up with anything, in order to be validated with a man's love and attention.

I think there is something to be said about old-fashioned values. The days where men had great manners and the ladies were ladies. Ladies in waiting, if you will. If women could just be patient and happy with themselves or their friends, then they would be able to regain their power. It is when we lower our standards and except "crumbs" that we are teaching men how to treat us. We are telling them that we don't value ourselves as much as we value them. And why, why would any woman do that? Fear of being alone, fear of being unloved or just low self esteem. I can't tell you how many women today suffer horribly from low self-esteem. And unfortunately, they will pass it on to their children, then their children and so on.

If women only realized how men see them. They see them as goddesses. They see them as an almost mythical creature, that they spend every waking moment trying to figure out how to capture one for their very own. And if women played their cards right...and I don't mean game playing. I mean, if women would just realize that not being so available would not only make the men value them more, but, it would also help build their own self esteem and ultimately help them regain their power as a woman, then we would be teaching men how we really want to be treated.

Sunday, 07 September 2008 21:31

Online Dating Do's & Don'ts

There are many online dating sites out there and everyone is doing it. If you are single these days...and you're looking for a date or relationship, if you're not dating online, you're missing out.

The more comfortable we get surfing the web, the more comfortable we get dating online. It is just not as weird and mysterious as it once was...and the stigma is no longer there. In fact, there is more of a stigma if you aren't dating online..."you are just behind the times".

But, what is great about online dating is also what is not great about online dating. Your options are endless. So, there are those that just can't stop looking and perusing their options. Why pick just one...when each day brings someone new to your computer screen. I mean, how great is it to be bombarded with compliments from strangers telling you how beautiful you are, while you read their gushing emails in your dirty t-shirt and sweat pants? It can be addictive. But, it doesn't have to be. If you are online dating with the simple goal of finding a relationship, then there are basic things to do, not to do and red flags to look out for.

Number one: Take your time and fill out your profile completely.

Number two: Be honest, but, not too honest (it's a profile, not a therapy session).

Number three: Don't say that you are looking for someone intelligent and then have misspelled words in your own profile Or misspell intelligent. I have seen that more times than I can count. Always, use spell check!

Number four: Put up at least 3 recent...recent photos. One a bit closer and two body shots..or vice versa. NEVER post photos with your kids, or another person..or God for bid a head shot or you with a celebrity. Win them over with you....just you...an accurate you. I even prefer to "under sell" myself online.... because, if they like what they see online, when I show up in person..they are pleasantly surprised. I think underselling is always best. If you look too great in your picture..or if it is old or has been photo shopped...you are in for getting your feelings VERY hurt when you meet the date in person...and you have to see the look of shock and disappointment on their face. It is true.

Number five: Be open to meeting people outside of your usual "type". After all, that is the beauty of online dating, you are able to meet people that you might not otherwise ever meet in your day to day life. So, take advantage of the fact that you can explore options that you had never considered before. The nice guy or girl, the geek, the older man or woman, the younger guy, the person with a child. The goal is to find someone with the "inner" qualities that you are looking for first. So, make that the top criteria, when searching the endless profiles. This might help narrow the search substantially.

Number six: Choose wisely and look for red flags. Here are just a few:

Someone who doesn't have a picture posted and I don't care what excuse they give you.

Shirtless photos or anything that indicates that they will be WAY more into themselves that they will be ever be into anyone else.

Whe someone emails you for the first time and they don't reference anything specifically about you or your profile. Chances are they're just shooting fish in a barrel and doing the "copy and paste" to any and everyone that is new or halfway decent.

If they say, "average body type" beware. This is your first clue that they are probably a bit overweight. And that is fine, but just know that going in.

Number seven: Don't let the emails go on forever. You don't want to have this great imaginary email relationship...if A) It never produces a real date or B) When you finally meet the person..you suddenly discover they aren't the person that you let your mind build them up to be.....then it is just a very awkward and disappointing situation for both of you.

Number eight: A few good email exchanges, followed by one brief phone conversation to pick a time and a place to meet...and then cut to the chase. Meet at a neutral public well populated place. Keep this meeting short and sweet, no more than 2 hours.

Number nine: After the date, (if you're the man) follow up with an email to say if you want to see the person again. If you let her believe you were interested in seeing her again, but, you aren't...then make sure you send an email to clarify. The same goes for the ladies. DO NOT mislead anyone. There is no point, since you can always be honest in an email. Be honest.

Number ten: If you want to be in a relationship, then do not have sex with anyone that is still actively looking online. Dating sites allow you to see when the last time a person was on the site, use this information to your benefit and be cautious.

There are many many more tips, do's, don'ts and red flags. Email me if you would like me to help you fine-tune your profile or help you search for that special someone.

Online dating can be a great way to find "the one", but only if you are playing by the rules and giving it your very best shot.

I'm here to help.

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