Don't you hate that question! Then you say, "Yes" and it's usually followed by a suspicious look followed by the question "why?" AWKWARD!
Well, how do you respond, wait..I already know...you hem and haw and then finally just give them some BS excuse just to move the conversation along to another subject...fast.
So, between you and me....what is the answer? What seems to be keeping you from being in a loving and healthy relationship? Well, that is exactly why I wrote the book Stop Being a Bitch ad Get a Boyfriend....so you can finally get to the bottom of why a relationship eludes you. Here is an excerpt from the chapter called
Coming soon to a theatre near you...
A horror story of epic proportions! When a beautiful girl with winning qualities is bitten by a mutant bug it plants a parasite in her brain. This particularly terrifying parasite eats away at the brain of the poor unsuspecting girl, and worse: the only way to keep the parasite from eating her alive is to feed it compliments and validation from poor, unfortunate, unsuspecting humans. The infected girl tries as hard as she can to avoid feeding on her friends and boyfriend, but before long, the parasite (more commonly known as insecurity) is growing and growing and GROWING! And as the insecurity grows, it gets HUNGRIER! The once wonderful girl is quickly transformed into a practically unrecognizable creature! BEWARE! It's the Insecure Bitch! She's running loose, and she's taking her friends and boyfriend hostage! She's feeding on their compliments and validation, and it won't be long before she's hungry for more! Her victims, meanwhile, are running scared!
YIKES! Unfortunately, for many girls, this is more than just a movie—it's real life. Could this crazed creature be you?
My new book Stop Being a Bitch and Get a Boyfriend is available on Amazon
Men, please read the following email sent to a woman (as a first email) on an online dating site. I truly feel bad for him, because he sounds like a good guy. Poor guy, he's just saying waaaay too much, it's all about him, it's clear he never even read her profile and it's obviously a "cut and paste" job that he sends out to every lady. So read his email below and take heed!
"nibbling on sponge cake...watching the sun bake....
"nibbling on sponge cake...watching the sun bake...all the tourists covered with oil"...
that's me an island boy...just did a gig in Key West, Florida...singing tropical songs...
I'm Matt, my profession is an architecture, I'm a lead designer in a major LA architectural firm...
I'm what everyone calls a 'creative'. I'm a song writer, poet and artist. In fact all those three come out in my designs. smile. I'm putting together a benefit for a horse rescue ranch...in late June so I'm working on the song list for the evening of wine, food and music...it should be a lot of fun...talking to a lot of my musician and singer friends to volunteer for a good cause.
Driven but easy going...strange combination...most people just view the easy going part...but a lot gets accomplished this life is way too short to waste it. Have begun to show my paintings...just did a small show in Soho, NY. People were great and receptive...love to paint people...very figurative in my art. Published my first two children's books last fall and they are now available on Amazon...funny my kids had no clue I was going to do a series of tales I used to tell them as kids. They had a bang when they found dedicated the book to them...they were tickled.
I've been blessed...no other way to say it...5 gorgeous and talented grown kids...I love my work...love my hobbies... still I want to find that special someone to explore with and live this fun life.
Have fun this week...I am.
Hello out there!!! I am sorry that I haven't posted a new blog in a very long time, but I have a very good reason. I have been working on several books. And therefore have been using my ideas and advice for the purpose of a long form self help book or a few books, in this case. I finished my first book, Love Life Makeovers and am working on my next two. So, that is what I have been up to, I haven't forgotten any of you :)
But, I have recently been inspired to write a new blog on one of my favorite subjects: getting back together after you have both already called it quits.
It doesn't make a difference who is at fault or who breaks up with whom. The only thing that is important to remember is that there is drama and discourse, enough that one of you or both of you have decided to pull the plug on the relationship. And I firmly believe that you should never go back. Once a relationship ends, it ends for a good reason. And those that try to go back or do go back will end up sooner or later breaking up again and usually for the very same reason or issue that you broke up for, in the first place. Life is not about going backwards, life is about learning from your mistakes and moving forward. The longer you remain in a bad, turbulent relationship, the more time you waste. Time that you will never get back. I know several women who have wasted many, many years in an unhappy relationship with the wrong guy, only to now be in a place where, they are too old to have kids. They literally wasted those years thinking that they could change the guy or that by some magical power their relationship would get better. It never did.
And it breaks my heart to see people that I know stuck with their feet in quick sand watching life pass them by, while they struggle in a bad relationship that prevents them from having a happy life.
Life is about being happy and being a positive contributor to the universe. And how can you be positive and happy when you live a life filled with drama, misery and sadness? I say, "Onward and Upward!!" This is the only life you get, so make it the best you can.
My top ten reasons why you should be glad you're single.
10. You can date, talk to and kiss anyone you want.
9. You can look any way you want to, any time you want to.
8. You look younger. Research has found single people look younger and are usually in better shape.
7. You can have sex with a different partner every night of the week, if you want to.
6. You don't have to deal with any relationship drama.
5. Being single means you are constantly meeting new people and going new places.
4. Your possibilities are endless.
3. You can take over the entire bed.
2. Your hand or your vibrator never disappoints.
1. The possibility that you could marry George Clooney or Cameron Diaz is still a possibility.
There are many online dating sites out there and everyone is doing it. If you are single these days...and you're looking for a date or relationship, if you're not dating online, you're missing out.
The more comfortable we get surfing the web, the more comfortable we get dating online. It is just not as weird and mysterious as it once was...and the stigma is no longer there. In fact, there is more of a stigma if you aren't dating online..."you are just behind the times".
But, what is great about online dating is also what is not great about online dating. Your options are endless. So, there are those that just can't stop looking and perusing their options. Why pick just one...when each day brings someone new to your computer screen. I mean, how great is it to be bombarded with compliments from strangers telling you how beautiful you are, while you read their gushing emails in your dirty t-shirt and sweat pants? It can be addictive. But, it doesn't have to be. If you are online dating with the simple goal of finding a relationship, then there are basic things to do, not to do and red flags to look out for.
Number one: Take your time and fill out your profile completely.
Number two: Be honest, but, not too honest (it's a profile, not a therapy session).
Number three: Don't say that you are looking for someone intelligent and then have misspelled words in your own profile Or misspell intelligent. I have seen that more times than I can count. Always, use spell check!
Number four: Put up at least 3 recent...recent photos. One a bit closer and two body shots..or vice versa. NEVER post photos with your kids, or another person..or God for bid a head shot or you with a celebrity. Win them over with you....just you...an accurate you. I even prefer to "under sell" myself online.... because, if they like what they see online, when I show up in person..they are pleasantly surprised. I think underselling is always best. If you look too great in your picture..or if it is old or has been photo shopped...you are in for getting your feelings VERY hurt when you meet the date in person...and you have to see the look of shock and disappointment on their face. It is true.
Number five: Be open to meeting people outside of your usual "type". After all, that is the beauty of online dating, you are able to meet people that you might not otherwise ever meet in your day to day life. So, take advantage of the fact that you can explore options that you had never considered before. The nice guy or girl, the geek, the older man or woman, the younger guy, the person with a child. The goal is to find someone with the "inner" qualities that you are looking for first. So, make that the top criteria, when searching the endless profiles. This might help narrow the search substantially.
Number six: Choose wisely and look for red flags. Here are just a few:
Someone who doesn't have a picture posted and I don't care what excuse they give you.
Shirtless photos or anything that indicates that they will be WAY more into themselves that they will be ever be into anyone else.
Whe someone emails you for the first time and they don't reference anything specifically about you or your profile. Chances are they're just shooting fish in a barrel and doing the "copy and paste" to any and everyone that is new or halfway decent.
If they say, "average body type" beware. This is your first clue that they are probably a bit overweight. And that is fine, but just know that going in.
Number seven: Don't let the emails go on forever. You don't want to have this great imaginary email relationship...if A) It never produces a real date or B) When you finally meet the person..you suddenly discover they aren't the person that you let your mind build them up to be.....then it is just a very awkward and disappointing situation for both of you.
Number eight: A few good email exchanges, followed by one brief phone conversation to pick a time and a place to meet...and then cut to the chase. Meet at a neutral public well populated place. Keep this meeting short and sweet, no more than 2 hours.
Number nine: After the date, (if you're the man) follow up with an email to say if you want to see the person again. If you let her believe you were interested in seeing her again, but, you aren't...then make sure you send an email to clarify. The same goes for the ladies. DO NOT mislead anyone. There is no point, since you can always be honest in an email. Be honest.
Number ten: If you want to be in a relationship, then do not have sex with anyone that is still actively looking online. Dating sites allow you to see when the last time a person was on the site, use this information to your benefit and be cautious.
There are many many more tips, do's, don'ts and red flags. Email me if you would like me to help you fine-tune your profile or help you search for that special someone.
Online dating can be a great way to find "the one", but only if you are playing by the rules and giving it your very best shot.
I'm here to help.