My top ten reasons why you should be glad you're single.

10. You can date, talk to and kiss anyone you want.

9. You can look any way you want to, any time you want to.

8. You look younger. Research has found single people look younger and are usually in better shape.

7. You can have sex with a different partner every night of the week, if you want to.

6. You don't have to deal with any relationship drama.

5. Being single means you are constantly meeting new people and going new places.

4. Your possibilities are endless.

3. You can take over the entire bed.

2. Your hand or your vibrator never disappoints.

1. The possibility that you could marry George Clooney or Cameron Diaz is still a possibility.

Sunday, 07 September 2008 21:31

Online Dating Do's & Don'ts

There are many online dating sites out there and everyone is doing it. If you are single these days...and you're looking for a date or relationship, if you're not dating online, you're missing out.

The more comfortable we get surfing the web, the more comfortable we get dating online. It is just not as weird and mysterious as it once was...and the stigma is no longer there. In fact, there is more of a stigma if you aren't dating online..."you are just behind the times".

But, what is great about online dating is also what is not great about online dating. Your options are endless. So, there are those that just can't stop looking and perusing their options. Why pick just one...when each day brings someone new to your computer screen. I mean, how great is it to be bombarded with compliments from strangers telling you how beautiful you are, while you read their gushing emails in your dirty t-shirt and sweat pants? It can be addictive. But, it doesn't have to be. If you are online dating with the simple goal of finding a relationship, then there are basic things to do, not to do and red flags to look out for.

Number one: Take your time and fill out your profile completely.

Number two: Be honest, but, not too honest (it's a profile, not a therapy session).

Number three: Don't say that you are looking for someone intelligent and then have misspelled words in your own profile Or misspell intelligent. I have seen that more times than I can count. Always, use spell check!

Number four: Put up at least 3 recent...recent photos. One a bit closer and two body shots..or vice versa. NEVER post photos with your kids, or another person..or God for bid a head shot or you with a celebrity. Win them over with you....just you...an accurate you. I even prefer to "under sell" myself online.... because, if they like what they see online, when I show up in person..they are pleasantly surprised. I think underselling is always best. If you look too great in your picture..or if it is old or has been photo shopped...you are in for getting your feelings VERY hurt when you meet the date in person...and you have to see the look of shock and disappointment on their face. It is true.

Number five: Be open to meeting people outside of your usual "type". After all, that is the beauty of online dating, you are able to meet people that you might not otherwise ever meet in your day to day life. So, take advantage of the fact that you can explore options that you had never considered before. The nice guy or girl, the geek, the older man or woman, the younger guy, the person with a child. The goal is to find someone with the "inner" qualities that you are looking for first. So, make that the top criteria, when searching the endless profiles. This might help narrow the search substantially.

Number six: Choose wisely and look for red flags. Here are just a few:

Someone who doesn't have a picture posted and I don't care what excuse they give you.

Shirtless photos or anything that indicates that they will be WAY more into themselves that they will be ever be into anyone else.

Whe someone emails you for the first time and they don't reference anything specifically about you or your profile. Chances are they're just shooting fish in a barrel and doing the "copy and paste" to any and everyone that is new or halfway decent.

If they say, "average body type" beware. This is your first clue that they are probably a bit overweight. And that is fine, but just know that going in.

Number seven: Don't let the emails go on forever. You don't want to have this great imaginary email relationship...if A) It never produces a real date or B) When you finally meet the person..you suddenly discover they aren't the person that you let your mind build them up to be.....then it is just a very awkward and disappointing situation for both of you.

Number eight: A few good email exchanges, followed by one brief phone conversation to pick a time and a place to meet...and then cut to the chase. Meet at a neutral public well populated place. Keep this meeting short and sweet, no more than 2 hours.

Number nine: After the date, (if you're the man) follow up with an email to say if you want to see the person again. If you let her believe you were interested in seeing her again, but, you aren't...then make sure you send an email to clarify. The same goes for the ladies. DO NOT mislead anyone. There is no point, since you can always be honest in an email. Be honest.

Number ten: If you want to be in a relationship, then do not have sex with anyone that is still actively looking online. Dating sites allow you to see when the last time a person was on the site, use this information to your benefit and be cautious.

There are many many more tips, do's, don'ts and red flags. Email me if you would like me to help you fine-tune your profile or help you search for that special someone.

Online dating can be a great way to find "the one", but only if you are playing by the rules and giving it your very best shot.

I'm here to help.

Monday, 25 August 2008 21:29

Finding the “one”

I used to think that I knew who it was I was looking for. You know when you write down all of the qualities that you seek in a partner. Funny, smart, kind, ambitious. I never had on my list...broke, lazy, emotionally unavailable, messy, chaotic, and immature. But, yet, that was exactly the type of person that I kept dating. Now, don't get me wrong..they didn't all posses all of those qualities (qualities?) at once. Some had only one of those issues or maybe two. And I could never figure out why I kept ending up with these duds. I would say..."But, that's not what I wrote down on my wish list."

Well, I have recently discovered the answer. I may have written down and sincerely hoped for a great guy, a guy who had his life together, A MAN. But, what I wasn't even aware of...was the fact that I was attracting the exact type of person that was my mirror image. Again, I didn't have all of those negative issues all at one time...but, I can admit now, that I certainly was NOT equal to the person that I had always dreamed of marrying.

I was immature (check) lazy (at times) broke (too many times) messy (I have animals) and emotionally unavailable (check). Then something magical happened, I met a guy, that at first, I thought I wasn't interested in....because he was the complete opposite of anyone I had ever been attracted to in the past AND he was a business man! Here's the magical part..I fell for him and my entire life changed. Not because I married him, no, the relationship didn't work out. But, here's what he did for me. For the first time in my life, I met a real MAN, who gave me an opportunity to see what life is like when you are an adult, with class and money. So, once I got a taste of that..there was no going backward. I took action. It wasn't easy, I changed my life..dramatically. I changed careers, I became a responsible adult, I now have a cleaning lady. I have a passion for my business. I am doing very well. Now, I am ready for and equal to the person I have always dreamed of marrying. But, since I am so focused on my business, I'm not looking. And you know what they say about that....well, we'll see. I'll let you know.

But, here's the deal....figure out exactly the type of person you want to be with....inner qualities, lifestyle, class, brains...whatever it is you want in someone else and make sure you take a real..I mean..real..honest look at yourself first. If you need to make changes, make changes. Because until you posses those qualities that you are seeking in someone else, you will never find the person you have always dreamed of marrying. Whew! Too much honesty for one night ☺ Thanks, Jay!

Saturday, 05 July 2008 21:27

Just Do It!

The road to self-help has many detours and many directions. In other words, there are many options...many routes to take. But, the goal is the same...everyone is trying to get to the same destination, which is called, health and happiness. So, if you are one of those that are constantly seeking this destination...yet it eludes you, then the problem may not be, the route you are taking or the directions that you are following, it just might be that your car is up on one of those mechanic platforms and in the garage. You're in your car, you're steering and giving it the gas, you even have the radio blasting and the windows are down.... but all you are really doing is just spinning your wheels. Your car is out of commission, you aren't leaving the garage. What???

What does this analogy mean? Well, it means that you can go through the motions and you probably think you are doing all you can, to "get there", but, just going through the motions isn't enough. If you can't leave the garage...then it is pointless to do any of the other steps. In other words, you can read all of the self help books you want, you can go to meetings, you can even see a therapist. But, until you...YOU...the inside of you...your brain, until you are ready, willing and able to actually receive the information and put it into action...(not just going through the motions) you are really just wasting your time.

So, how do you really "receive" the information and really begin to make actual changes in your life? The answer is very simple. Maybe too simple, that might be the problem. You stop making excuses and you take action! Now.... not later. You end that bad relationship. You stop dating the bad boys. You throw out the clutter. You exercise. You start making eye contact and smiling at people. You redecorate your place..or move! You find a new career that actually makes you happy! Basically, you take a leap of faith. But, the key is to make real tangible, physical and mental changes. Once you begin this proactive process and you can see the changes right before your very eyes, you will then stay with the process.... and ultimately change your life. You've heard it before...."just do it".

Oprah has said, that she always follows through with everything she wants to do. That means, if she has an idea to do something..she doesn't just talk about it, she does it. And because she has always been a person of "action"..... that is why she is, where she is, today. Change and progress are in the "doing" not in the "planning" or "just talking about it". It is better for you to take a leap of faith and "just do it" with no planning or thinking about it...rather than...talks and plan.... with no action. Just do it....today!

But, if you are still making excuses and not making any progress...is there any hope for you?

Well, I think you have to get to a point in your life, where you are just finally sick and tired of being sick and tired. Too many people get so caught up in the "journey" or "process", that they over look the fact that unless their car can leave the garage.... that all they end up doing for years, is just planning the trip. And then it will get to a point where your friends begin to get tired of hearing you talk about the trip..... that never happens! They will start to distance themselves from you. At first, you will complain...about your friends not being around anymore.... then one day.... when you are all alone and you realize that you've read all of the "books"...and yet your life hasn't gotten any better, in fact, it is worse and you aren't getting any younger...THAT is when you will finally be able to receive help and make great changes in your life. Stop making excuses and start making changes. I have a sign in my bathroom that says "Did you do anything to change your life today?". I look at that sign (that I made) every night before I go to bed and I ask myself that question and when I can answer "yes".... I feel so proud of myself.

So.... did you do anything to change your life today?

Sunday, 13 January 2008 20:21

Are your expectations realistic?

This is a very important question to ask. When you think of your future, whom do you see yourself with when you're 80? Or are you just thinking of "right now"? If it is your ego talking then probably you would say.."I see myself with someone fit, tall, great smile, loves rock music, owns the new I phone and is very very sexy.' And why? Why are those things the most important things to your ego? Well, because, the ego by definition means: An exaggerated sense of self-importance; conceit.

To put it another way: Are your expectations of a potential partner based on what is in your heart or is it based on how you want to be perceived by other people? Because I know when you're 80, you're not going to care if he was ever a rock star or if she was ever a super model. So think about what is really most important. If you're looking for a long-term relationship, then you have to be realistic. That means that you have to ask yourself, "If everyone on this planet looked the same and dressed the same and had the same income.....what qualities then, would I be looking for?" And do YOU have the same qualities to offer the other person? Because, if you're expectation is for a perfect model, then you also need to be a perfect model. Right? Let's face it, if you're over weight, average looking and don't have a lot going for you, other than you're a nice person...well, let's just hope and pray....you're not waiting for "George Clooney or Eva Longoria" to come along.

There are just as many women out there as there are men, who seem to have a strange sense of entitlement, when it comes to being choosy about a mate. It is great to be picky and have standards...but, make sure you are being honest with yourself and that your standards aren't higher than what you have to offer in return.

Be realistic and think outside of the stereotypes. Let go of unrealistic expectations, throw away your checklist and allow yourself to fall in love with someone's inner qualities. The only way to do that is by giving different people a chance..a real chance, it takes more than one date to fall in love, sometimes it takes ten, fifteen or even twenty. Love at first sight rarely happens, the best type of love is the love that develops over time and is based on the soul, not the outer shell.

Tuesday, 18 December 2007 20:14

Do you have a dating strategy?

Have you ever wondered why you aren't meeting or dating many new people?

Well, when we were in our 20's we didn't really need a strategy. But, then we were also not looking to settle down or find love. We were out having fun, being adventurous and meeting new people everyday.

Then into our 30's we don't go out to bars as much anymore and clubs..well, I never liked clubs. So you go to dinner with friends or the occasional party. Some of your friends are in long-term relationships and some are married. They still know a few single people..but, the list is getting shorter. Meanwhile, you are still single. Now might be the time to figure out a dating strategy.

This means that you are going to be pro-active in reaching your long-term goal....to be in a committed long term relationship and hopefully marriage. But, first you need dates. Or candidates..as I like to call them.

So, what do you do......where do you begin?

Well, first, I'll just give a few examples of strategies that I know some people are currently using to find dates, which is the first step to finding a long term relationship.

Where do you work?

I know someone who owns restaurants and they have been using their place of business for years as their personal dating service or "strategy" to finding love. And if you work in a field where you are expected to be friendly and approachable, then it makes it much easier to approach someone and strike up an innocent friendly conversation. I know another person who is a hairdresser, he chats with clients all day and gets plenty of dates that way too.

So, deciding to be a bit friendlier in your work environment is a good place to start. NOTE: I am not talking about hitting on a coworker or customer. But, by simply smiling, striking up a conversation and (if it comes up) mentioning that you are single, you are now opening a new door to more possibilities. But, I realize there are also many of you who do not come in contact with a bevy of new people at work and some of you might even work from home. This is why, you especially, need to have a dating strategy.

I have put together a list of a few simple ways to create a strategy for dating and meeting new people.

*Join a group

By joining a group where you know no one and you enjoy the activity, you are guaranteed to meet new people and expand your circle, by expanding your circle, you are now opening yet another door to more possibilities.

*Try online dating

I know people who have tried it and gotten married, I have known people who have tried it and had no luck at all. But, what I do say about online dating is this; it provides you with the ability to meet people that you might not ever have met in your day-to-day life. The more people you meet and go out with....the better you will be at the art of making "dating conversation".

*Find activities you love doing

If there is something that you used to love to do...but, haven't done in awhile, go do it. Either go by yourself (which I recommend) or find a friend or neighbor to go with you. But, remember....try to make conversation with others....not just the person you have with you. As much as I don't like to go places by myself....it has ALWAYS forced me to talk to new people and help me meet people that I might not talk to if I have a friend along. I think going by yourself to an event or to do an activity is the best way to force you to talk to strangers. And I also think other people are more inclined to approach you when you are by yourself. Be brave! Try it!

*Volunteer

When you volunteer to help at a charity event, it not only makes you feel great...it makes other people approach you at the event. They will usually be asking questions, need help with whatever activity is going on, and in general I feel most people tend to let their guard down at charity events. People get into the spirit of helping others and they tend to forget they are talking to strangers...because; after-all you are all there for the same cause. That is a conversation starter and often times is a bonding experience between otherwise, perfect strangers.

The goal is to expand your circle. By finding a dating strategy that works for you and putting that strategy into action you will have more dates, the more dates you have, the better your chance at finding love.

If you are the type of person that really is determined to increase your chance at finding love, you also might want to consider hiring a personal matchmaker. A matchmaker's goal is to find love for you. They do the searching based on what you are looking for in a mate. They search through their personal data base of eligible singles, as well as approach anyone where ever they are. If they spot someone who appears to fit your criteria they will approach them and ask if they are single and tell them they have someone they would like to introduce them to. Most people are extremely flattered and impressed to be approached by a matchmaker and are very willing to meet the matchmakers client.

What will be your dating strategy for the New Year?

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