This is a question that I have been asking people for a while now. Let's face it, we all have our reasons. Or are they excuses? According to my married friend Karen, the ONLY reason anyone is single, is because they want to be. Hmmmm. Well, I guess if we took Karen's theory completely literally, we could all be married if we were willing to grab any old jackass that looked at us and smiled. But, I think that the majority of us aren't THAT desperate to get married that we are willing to marry the first parolee who crosses our path and asks us to marry them. But, then there is the other side of the coin. And on the other side of the coin is what I consider to be the number one reason why most of us are single, UNREALISTIC EXPECTATIONS. It is a very very big problem. I notice this especially at my various singles events. When you put a group of single people in a room together and ask them to list who they are interested in, you can bet that EVERY guy will pick all of the prettiest women and all of the women will pick ALL of the cutest guys. Now, when it comes to attractive people...there's no problem there. Attractive people will always be attracted to each other, of course. But, the problem with unrealistic expectations lies with those people that aren't a 10 or a 9 or an 8 or 7 even a 6. I'm talking about people who are on the 1 to 5 scale. 5 being just average, not unattractive but not attractive either. The people in the 1 to 5 range NEVER seem to want each other....EVER. And I'm not sure if it is because they are completely unaware of their "number" or they know their "number" but, feel that in spite of their short comings they are entitled to someone way out of their league. Or maybe they want a trophy to prove to the world that they are much more than an ugly duckling. I'm not sure; I just know that people are way too concerned with someone's temporary shiny outer shell rather, than look past the superficial. I really wish more single people who want to find love would choose their dates and future mates on what really matters most and what is not going to change with time, and that is a person's intelligence and moral character, within their "number range" whether it's 1 to 5 or 6 to 10. So, tell me, what is your number? Do you think you have unrealistic expectations? Why are you single?
My top ten reasons why you should be glad you're single.
10. You can date, talk to and kiss anyone you want.
9. You can look any way you want to, any time you want to.
8. You look younger. Research has found single people look younger and are usually in better shape.
7. You can have sex with a different partner every night of the week, if you want to.
6. You don't have to deal with any relationship drama.
5. Being single means you are constantly meeting new people and going new places.
4. Your possibilities are endless.
3. You can take over the entire bed.
2. Your hand or your vibrator never disappoints.
1. The possibility that you could marry George Clooney or Cameron Diaz is still a possibility.
I used to think that I knew who it was I was looking for. You know when you write down all of the qualities that you seek in a partner. Funny, smart, kind, ambitious. I never had on my list...broke, lazy, emotionally unavailable, messy, chaotic, and immature. But, yet, that was exactly the type of person that I kept dating. Now, don't get me wrong..they didn't all posses all of those qualities (qualities?) at once. Some had only one of those issues or maybe two. And I could never figure out why I kept ending up with these duds. I would say..."But, that's not what I wrote down on my wish list."
Well, I have recently discovered the answer. I may have written down and sincerely hoped for a great guy, a guy who had his life together, A MAN. But, what I wasn't even aware of...was the fact that I was attracting the exact type of person that was my mirror image. Again, I didn't have all of those negative issues all at one time...but, I can admit now, that I certainly was NOT equal to the person that I had always dreamed of marrying.
I was immature (check) lazy (at times) broke (too many times) messy (I have animals) and emotionally unavailable (check). Then something magical happened, I met a guy, that at first, I thought I wasn't interested in....because he was the complete opposite of anyone I had ever been attracted to in the past AND he was a business man! Here's the magical part..I fell for him and my entire life changed. Not because I married him, no, the relationship didn't work out. But, here's what he did for me. For the first time in my life, I met a real MAN, who gave me an opportunity to see what life is like when you are an adult, with class and money. So, once I got a taste of that..there was no going backward. I took action. It wasn't easy, I changed my life..dramatically. I changed careers, I became a responsible adult, I now have a cleaning lady. I have a passion for my business. I am doing very well. Now, I am ready for and equal to the person I have always dreamed of marrying. But, since I am so focused on my business, I'm not looking. And you know what they say about that....well, we'll see. I'll let you know.
But, here's the deal....figure out exactly the type of person you want to be with....inner qualities, lifestyle, class, brains...whatever it is you want in someone else and make sure you take a real..I mean..real..honest look at yourself first. If you need to make changes, make changes. Because until you posses those qualities that you are seeking in someone else, you will never find the person you have always dreamed of marrying. Whew! Too much honesty for one night ☺ Thanks, Jay!
This is a very important question to ask. When you think of your future, whom do you see yourself with when you're 80? Or are you just thinking of "right now"? If it is your ego talking then probably you would say.."I see myself with someone fit, tall, great smile, loves rock music, owns the new I phone and is very very sexy.' And why? Why are those things the most important things to your ego? Well, because, the ego by definition means: An exaggerated sense of self-importance; conceit.
To put it another way: Are your expectations of a potential partner based on what is in your heart or is it based on how you want to be perceived by other people? Because I know when you're 80, you're not going to care if he was ever a rock star or if she was ever a super model. So think about what is really most important. If you're looking for a long-term relationship, then you have to be realistic. That means that you have to ask yourself, "If everyone on this planet looked the same and dressed the same and had the same income.....what qualities then, would I be looking for?" And do YOU have the same qualities to offer the other person? Because, if you're expectation is for a perfect model, then you also need to be a perfect model. Right? Let's face it, if you're over weight, average looking and don't have a lot going for you, other than you're a nice person...well, let's just hope and pray....you're not waiting for "George Clooney or Eva Longoria" to come along.
There are just as many women out there as there are men, who seem to have a strange sense of entitlement, when it comes to being choosy about a mate. It is great to be picky and have standards...but, make sure you are being honest with yourself and that your standards aren't higher than what you have to offer in return.
Be realistic and think outside of the stereotypes. Let go of unrealistic expectations, throw away your checklist and allow yourself to fall in love with someone's inner qualities. The only way to do that is by giving different people a chance..a real chance, it takes more than one date to fall in love, sometimes it takes ten, fifteen or even twenty. Love at first sight rarely happens, the best type of love is the love that develops over time and is based on the soul, not the outer shell.
Personally, I don't really like to go out on New Years Eve. I, like many people, believe it is "amateur" night. It seems most people feel that they HAVE to go out and have fun on the last night of year. I have never understood this and have also never really had a great time on New Years Eve. O.k., maybe once...or twice. I think trying to "force" a fun New Years Eve never works.
But, there are a few alternatives to just sitting at home alone. If you don't want to ring in the New Year all by your lonesome, then you are going to HAVE to be proactive!
The first step:
Start calling all of your friends, in fact, even call those friends that you've lost touch with..or a friend that you may have had a falling out with in the past. This is the perfect time of year to reconnect and say hi. Who knows they might end up inviting you to join them for New Years or if they don't have plans, it's the perfect opportunity to get together and see each other.
Now...for part two:
O.K. you've called some single friends and none of you have anything to do on New Years Eve....
Here are a few ideas to get you started:
1. Have a small dinner party...where each of your friends brings along another single guy or girl. Everyone can each bring a dish and a beverage to share with the group.
2. Try something new....that you and your friends would never normally do. Maybe it's the opera, the ballet, a magic club, mystery dinner theatre.
3. A white elephant party, where everyone brings the worst gift they received for Christmas to exchange for someone else's bad gift.
4. Have a wine tasting and dessert tasting. Each person can bring their favorite wine or dessert to share.
There are many ways to enjoy New Years Eve....the best way is to be safe and don't over do it.
And if you are alone this New Years Eve, here are my favorite things to do.
Treat yourself to an extravagant dinner at home, rent your favorite movies and sip champagne. I usually like a quiet New Years Eve, I like to reflect on the past year and make exciting plans for the new year ahead. I go to bed early and wake up the first day of the new year..refreshed and ready and not hung over.